Monday, December 29, 2008

New Year's Resolution: No Resolutions!

I hate New Year’s Resolutions. Mostly I hate them because I have an inability to keep them past January 15. It seems as soon as I tack the word “resolution” onto a phrase, I am dooming it.

So this year, I am not making any resolutions, New Year’s or otherwise. Instead, I just have some ‘ideas’ of things I’d like to accomplish and/or ‘try’ in 2009.

In no particular order…

Eyebrows – I’d like to have my eyebrows professionally shaped. I’ve been having the uni-brow waxed for years…but I think I’d like to see what I might look like with less eye brow bushiness. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s hair…it will always grow back…right?

And speaking of eyes…I’d really like to develop a great wink. I have wink envy – whenever I try to wink at someone it either looks like I’m having some kind of eye spasm or just comes across as some kind of weird eye twitch. I wink beautifully on instant messenger…just can’t seem to do it in person.

I am going to try really hard to stop lying to my dental hygienist in 2009. I tell precisely two lies per year – every year. Twice a year, whilst having my teeth professionally cleaned, the hygienist asks the magic question: “are you flossing every day?” And every time I look that poor woman right in the eye and say “yes.” And she’s scraping my teeth! She knows I’m lying – and I know she knows I’m lying. This is going to be the year I break the cycle of dental deception!

Doo Rags – I’m going to give wearing a doo-rag a try this year. I see folks – well, mainly urban men – wearing them in Philadelphia and can’t help but wonder if it is a look I could pull off?

Find a Church – I am going to begin test-driving churches in the area – it is well past time that I make a congregational commitment. Let the auditions begin!

No Drive-By Texting – I am going to really try to limit texting whilst driving to true emergencies. As I have been reminded, emergencies rarely involve the need for new shoes or a new handbag!

and finally...in 2009 I am going to try very diligently to talk less and listen more.

Here's to the new year!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

...and a partridge in a pear tree!

My folks used to host a big holiday shindig every year when my Pop was alive. I believe it started out, in the beginning, as a "thank you" for his clients (of which I was one) and evolved over the years into the annual Baker Bash. Manada Hill Inn always hosted and provided incredible eats (ah...memories of brisket and almond chicken...) and the event was considered a 'hot ticket' in our town.

But that wasn't my Dad's reason for hosting the party...I am convinced that he hosted it for one reason and one reason only...and it had little to do with brisket...

My father had an unnatural love of "The Twelve Days of Christmas."

Not the actual days -- the Christmas Carol.

His very favorite part of the annual get-together occurred about half-way through the evening, when he would select folks from the crowd to get up and sing "The Twelve Days of Christmas" with him.

He'd start early by surveying the room -- trying to determine who his best singers were, along with those that might not be great singers, but would be entertaining nonetheless. Next he'd start approaching folks to participate.

Everyone always knew it was coming -- and you knew they secretly wanted to be asked -- but there would always be that element of surprise: "Are you sure you want ME to be nine ladies dancing?"

And my beloved Uncle Wes -- not a blood uncle at all, but my Pop's best friend -- would inevitably end up with "Five Golden Rings."

Pop would then line the motley crew up on the small stage and off they'd go...with Pop 'eggnogging' them on. God bless the person who got the twelfth day and only had to sing it once.

The whole musical presentation would take about ten minutes with all the stops and starts...and laughter.

He loved it.

And everyone loved him.

And it was Christmas.

Now, both Dad and Uncle Wes are gone from this earth...but I can't help but wonder on this Christmas Eve's Eve if they are up there in heaven convincing Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr.to sing "The Twelve Days of Christmas" with them...

I'll bet Uncle Wes has to arm wrestle Sinatra for those Five Golden Rings...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

They tried to sell us egg foo yong...

I come from a family of talented folks -- the Baker's can all sing (well, except for Kathy!), dance, act, play instruments -- even twirl flaming batons (only Kathy!)...we are a fairly musical lot. And with four kids, we were always putting on some kind of show or another...even if just for my parents.

Growing up there were plenty of music lessons, band competitions, trips to county chorus and plays -- shoot, two of us have even appeared in made-for-TV movies.

But we share one common musical fault -- not a one of us can ever remember all the words, or at least the correct words to a song.

It's sad really.

And I am at the top of this list. In fact, on any given day you can hear my husband "gently suggesting" that I "learn the words" to the song I'm desperately trying to sing!

This malady can be traced back to my Pop -- who also loved to sing, and just randomly substituted words that "sounded right" into whatever song he was singing. Thus - as the title of this missive suggests, I was in my twenties before I realized that the classic Nat King Cole song was NOT "They Tried To Sell Us Egg Foo Yong" but "They Tried to Tell Us We're Too Young!"

But Pop wasn't alone... My baby sister (possibly the best true singer of all of us) routinely butchered popular lyrics. To this day I can't hear Kenny Rogers "Lucille" without hear her little voice singing "Four hundred children in a washing machine" instead of "four hungry children and a crop in the field." Another classic -- baby sister in Sunday school at roughly 5 or 6 singing "He's got the whole world in his pants!"

Just picture the nuns trying to correct her.

And the seasonal "Hark it's Harold - Angels Sing!" I'll never forget the day she asked me who "Harold" was? I think I told her that he was the fourth, rarely mentioned Wise Man. (Yes, I was a smart alecky kid.)

Another classic -- "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" -- for years I sang "A girl with colitis goes by"...in my defense, this was during the time when my Mom was first diagnosed with Crones Disease. Of course, as a small child I thought the song title was "Lucy's in a Fight with Linus."

And my obsession with food clearly had a role in my singing the famous Rolling Stones song -- "I'll Never Leave Your Pizza Burning..." instead of "I'll Never Be Your Beast of Burden" (thanks to my first college boyfriend for pointing that one out!).

And I still do it...most recent mistake that entertained the masses? The Carrie Underwood song "Jesus Take The Wheel." I now know that the lyric is "...she was running low on faith and gasoline..." but for weeks I unknowingly sang "she was running low on faith and vaseline..." Who knows? Maybe Carrie had chapped lips?

To this day, to learn a song for any kind of performance requires repeated rote memorization.

And even then, I'll probably mess it up.

Oh, I'll hit all the right notes...but will inevitably repeat the first verse twice. Or change the words without realizing it. Or substitute something that "sounds right."

And hubby? The guy always trying to correct my mis-heard ways?

I figure he'll keep me around -- just last week I heard him singing "walking 'round in women's underwear..."

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...

A number of years ago, Oprah starting doing one show each year based on her “Favorite Things” of the previous year. I’m not a huge Oprah fan, but always enjoyed watching the yearly episode – mostly because it always seemed like really cool stuff. Even cooler – she usually gave one of each item to every person in the audience of this special show. This year, in light of the economy, I read that Oprah has decided NOT to do the show – so I’ve decided to pick up the reins and do my own list of “Laura’s Favorite Things 2008.”

And if I could – I’d give one of each to each of you!

My Super Stapler – for years I’ve struggled to keep a decent, working stapler more than a month or so. I’m not sure if it was my tremendous upper body strength or the fact that I try repeatedly to staple too many pages. After breaking my FOURTH stapler in a year in September, I went on a mission to find the perfect stapler – and I did! Enter the Swingline Heavy Duty Stapler! This baby ROCKS – and can staple up to 64 pages with one staple. It’s also indestructible – I’ve dropped it, knocked it off my desk and accidently poured Diet Coke on it! You’ve got to love a stapler that comes with its own toll-free technical support number. I’ve covered mine in Superman stickers. And the entire office knows the penalty for removing it from my desk.

Facebook/Blogging
– After years of selling the importance of social networking and blogging, I finally broke down and set myself up with both a Facebook page and a blog in 2008. And compared to my friend Kevin’s 500+ friends…I have eight. My small but mighty posse. What started out as a lark – and a much needed live demo for a presentation -- has reconnected me with one of my favorite people in the world. And the blogging is FUN – I enjoy the email missives I receive from every one of you after each posting – and it keeps me writing for pleasure on a regular basis.

Mika – “Everybody needs love today” – and Mika has it to offer in droves. Never was a fan of techno-pop until I saw Mika briefly on Good Morning America. A British singer with energy to burn – it is impossible to be in a bad mood whilst listening to Mika’s “Love Today” and “Big Girl You Are Beautiful.” I positively bounce every time I play his music.

Sweet Tea – If 2007 was the year I discovered Starbucks and the Chai Tea Frappacino – 2008 is the year for McDonald’s Sweet Tea. I listened to my husband talk about how good it was for almost a year before I tried it – and am now addicted. Fresh brewed each morning with just the right blending of real sugar – and it comes in one size only – large. Perfect drive-thru stop on the way to Philadelphia.

The Kindle – Talk about a life-change device! The Kindle is Amazon’s eBook reader and it is dynamite! I have not purchased an old-fashioned book since June. Plus – have all my favorite books with me at all times. Whatever I’m in the mood for – it’s there. Love, love, LOVE the Kindle.

GPS – First experienced the Garmin NUVI on a road trip to Charlottesville early in the year – and knew I had to have one. With voice activated turn by turn driving directions – I haven’t been lost, or unable to find Thai food since. And my husband will tell you – I could get lost trying to find our bathroom in the middle of the night. You guessed it – a Phi Beta Kappa with zero sense of direction.

Twilight Books – Again, came to this party late in the game, but quickly got absorbed in the Twilight books. Vampirism has always been a favorite genre of mine, and this gentle story of both teen angst and unrequited love is beautifully told. If you think it’s just a book for tween girls, you would be wrong. The recent movie didn't do much for me -- read the books!

"Jubilee" – this plaintive tune, as performed by Allison Krause is my favorite song of the year. “Spin and turn…live and learn…” Close seconds would be “East to West” and “Does Anybody See Her” from contemporary Christian group Casting Crowns.

The Purpose Driven Life – This book, by Rick Warren, has focused me possibly more than any other book has in years. In relatively simple, bite sized chunks, Warren guides the reader toward discovering true purpose and meaning in life. Do not pass ‘go’ – do not collect $100 – just buy and read this book. I'm currently reading his new book: The Purpose of Christmas...

Superhero flicks – Although I loved The Dark Knight – my favorite films of the year would have to be Ironman (which I’ve now seen a half dozen times) and Hancock.

Wells Fargo REIT II – Ever wanted to own incredible commercial real estate? The Wells Fargo REIT II allows the smaller investor to do so – by far my favorite investment of the year. And I’ve already told Brad that I will need to visit each and every one of the buildings we now “own” a piece of. Road trip!

Coventry Deli “Amy” Sandwich – The Coventry Deli is on the first floor of my biggest client’s building and I often find myself running down from the 24th floor on an especially busy Tuesday to grab a sandwich – the “Amy” is wonderful – fresh carved turkey, thinly sliced apples and creamy brie on fococcia bread. Yum yum got to get you some! Or better yet – meet me at 2000 Market Street on any given Tuesday, and I’ll treat you to one. Really – it’s that tasty.

…and of course, my favorite things of all – which are not ‘things’ – but loved ones, special friends and family!

Merry merry!

Monday, December 8, 2008

I'm Mister Green Christmas...I'm Mister Sun...

For most kids, growing up in my neck of the woods -- Christmas meant one thing and one thing only -- time for presents! Long wish lists, letters to Santa Claus and church pageantry.

At my house, however, birth of Jesus aside, Christmas was all about television. Holiday TV specials, holiday episodes of our favorite shows, and we could even get excited about the little Santa riding down the snow covered mountain in a Norelco electric shaver.

And now, technically all grown up, I still look foward to this batch of broadcast nostalgia every year:

A Christmas Story -- a classic. From the "old man" who never had a first name, to Ralphie's longing for an "Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!" This slice of life had it all. In fact, part of the reason I knew my husband was "the one" was when I first threw out the phrase "fra-ge-lee" in conversation (we started dating around Christmas 1992) and he knew EXACTLY what I was talking about.

A Charlie Brown Christmas -- I started taking piano lessons as a child because I wanted to be able to play the Vince Guaraldi score. And Linus reciting from the Gospel According to Luke at the conclusion gets me everytime.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer -- the first Rankin-Bass animation I ever saw. For years I've loved Herbie the elf who wants to be a dentist -- and everyone from the Island of Misfit Toys. And can't forget the wondrous Burl Ives scooting through the snow with his banjo singing "Silver and Gold."

The Grinch That Stole Christmas -- no holiday list would be complete without "the mean one" himself. CindyLou Who never did much for me -- for me, it was all about the Max the Dog -- with that sad tree branch tied to his head.

The House Without a Christmas Tree -- haven't seen this one in years, but remember it well -- the little girl who's father (played by Jason Robards) was so wracked with grief at the passing of his wife, that he couldn't bear to have a Christmas tree in the house.

The Brady Bunch -- although the Brady's did a Christmas eposide every year, none could beat the very first one when Mrs. Brady lost her voice and little Cindy asked Santa to 'give her Mommy's voice back' in time for her to sing O Come All Ye Faithful in church on Christmas!

Holiday Inn -- My Dad and I used to watch this together every year. This film was the first to have Bing Crosby sing the timeless classic White Christmas. And the idea of having an Inn that was only open on holidays was terrific. Love the scenes when Fred Astaire is dancing and throwing firecrackers at his feet!

It's A Wonderful Life -- For years I said I would name my daughter Zuzu! How can you not love a film that reminds us that "everytime a bell rings, an angel gets its wings!" Or the tender moment when a young Mary whispers in George Bailey's (deaf) ear -- "I'll love you George Bailey until the day I die." I'm singing a chorus of "Buffalo Girls Won't You Come Out Tonight" just thinking of it. Quick trivia question -- what does Clarence write in the copy of Tom Sawyer he leaves for George at the end of the film? (Answer below)

And my all time favorite -- A Year Without A Santa Claus!

Santa decides to take a holiday...but the show-stoppers in this one are surely Heat Miser and Snow Miser -- sons of Mother Nature.

All together now:

I'm Mister White Christmas
I'm Mister Snow
I'm Mister Icicle
I'm Mister 40 Below...

And finally, I loved the old Coca Cola "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" commercial.

Honorable mentions would have to go to:
Santa Claus is Coming to Town
The Little Drummer Boy
A Christmas Carol (the Alistar Sim version)

and, of course, a shout out to my husband's all time favorite: Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol!

Happy Viewing!

** Answer to trivia question: "No man is a failure who has friends."