Dear Mr. Postman...why has thou forsaketh me?

We all remember the old postal service adage:

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds"

Apparently, this is not applicable to Cleona, Pennsylvania.

Cleona, Pennsylvania is a wonderful place to live. Nestled in the heart of beautiful Lebanon county, it is a small community of tree-lined streets, friendly faces and outdoor holiday decorators. Often grouped together with neighboring Annville boro, as in Annville-Cleona School District, Cleona is my home.

I have lived in "Gloryland" (Cleona comes from the Latin word for "glory") since my marriage some fifteen years ago. And for most of those fifteen years, I was blissfully unaware of my mail service. It arrived without issue -- bills, letters from grandparents, my beloved National Geographic, and junk.

I rarely gave it a passing thought. It simply was.

Even the time our mailman cited us to his superiors (he wanted us to move our mailbox from the front door to the back door so he could avoid crossing in front of our house), the issue was resolved peacefully and with minimal angst.

Then, several years ago, Lebanon County changed zip codes around a bit, so that the entire south side of Lebanon City now shared a zip code with tiny Cleona.

You see where this is going.

Yes...we are now one of the few unfortunate folks who now share a complete address with another family in Lebanon city -- number, street and zip code. And because the Cleona post office is an "adjunct" of the big Lebanon post office -- at least half the time, our mail goes to this nice family in Lebanon.

We do occasionally get something of theirs, but maybe once a month -- compared to the daily influx of our mail that they receive. And they are tired of it...as are we.

At first, it was kind of funny...we'd get a call from them -- "We got your phone bill again!" And then it became mildly annoying -- "We're just going to start handing your mail back to the carrier."

And then it started getting scary -- as we realized that we weren't getting bills that needed to be paid on time. That new health insurance cards hadn't arrived...financial statements...retirement checks.

And the problem is actually bigger than the local post office (although that's where it began). Most computer databases, when 17042 is entered, pop up Lebanon, PA automatically. So, even though I have personally spoken to and mailed/emailed representatives ranging from LLBean to the electric company to our local lawn care guy...as soon as they get a database update, our mail starts being labeled "Lebanon" again!

So, not only are we not getting mail addressed to us IN Cleona -- the master postal databases are convinced we live in Lebanon. And the problem is exacerbated by the ever revolving door of postal carriers in our area -- we no sooner get someone up to speed than she or he retires or gets re-assigned to Palmyra.

And the once "very nice people" in Lebanon with our address are now really annoyed with the situation.

As are we.

We've contacted everyone we can think of and have had many helpful suggestions from the Postal Service...the four digit addition to the zip code? Doesn't help. Re-writing our address as "Chestnut Street East" instead of "East Chestnut Street" -- no results.

Local representatives and congressman have promised to look into the situation - but again, no results. I even sent a letter to the postmaster general. Zilch.

My best story was a few Christmas's ago. I had ordered my husband a leather jacket from a men's specialty catalog. It was my first order from the catalog.

After ten minutes on the phone with the customer service rep -- explaining about the zip code issue and being assured that she manually changed it in the computer, she asked me if I wanted to open an account with the company -- it involved a hefty discount on the coat. Another barrage of questions later I was done.

One week later, my husband was home alone when the call came from the nice people in Lebanon -- a large box had been delivered to them in my husband's name.

He drove to get it, opened it, and ruined his holiday surprise.

The company had:
1. Put it in his name instead of mine as requested (the original catalog had been in his name)
2. Sent it to the wrong address (Lebanon, even though they had "overwritten" it in the system)

and to top it all off -- they then sent him the bill. For his surprise present!

Needless to say, I know have packages shipped to my office -- and have gone paperless with most bills/creditors.

But then today, ran home at lunch to let the pups out, and there is the insurance claim I've been waiting two months for...it had gone to...you guessed it...Lebanon PA.

In the immortal words of The Marvelettes... "PLEASE Mr. Postman!"